COVID CORNER

COVID CORNER

Defiance

I’m sure most have seen the pictures of Americans defying the virus. They have decided to toss away their masks, jump into crowded pools with their umbrella drinks, yell at essential workers who ask politely to follow the guidelines during this pandemic. Cringe-worthy.

It’s an odd time in the course of this virus. Everyone is tired of losing money, of being cooped up at home, of being dictated to by the microscopic droplets. They are teeny little things, and we Americans do not do well with the tiny telling us what to do. Just saying.

At work, on the COVID wing, I stood in front of the patient’s closed door: airborne, droplet precautions notice in big red letters. I asked  the nurse for the PAPR because the hospital issued N95 doesn’t seal like it should around my face. 

Secretly I carry the N95 in my pocket anyway. Nurse said no PAPR because there are no virus particulates floating in the air. Oh. She turned away to focus on the computer screen. 

I took the N95 out of my pocket, put it on, covered it up with my regular mask, put on my plastic gown, flimsy face shield, etc... Nurse saw that I had on the regular mask and gave me the thumbs up.

I entered the room, and the ill patient was coughing. Lots of coughing.

And so, I kept entering the room. Got a job to do. I guess you can say, I too challenged the authority of this microscopic spiky dictator. 

COVID CORNER

Tension of Opposites.

Selfishness. Selflessness. Living through these chaotic times, I’m finding these two concepts are changing me. I know that when, and if we get to the other side of this, many of us will be changed, but how exactly? It’s a curious thing.

Since I work in a hospital, the stress that already exists in the environment has been ratcheted up for the long term. How to find a place of normalcy when the job that was once without life or death risks, becomes a job with dire consequences.

I have seen how the chaos and stress has brought out a selfishness in people that can be mindboggling. A superior justifies shoving an underling into a situation where the virus is prevalent, but the safety measures are not. I did not sign up for that danger when I entered the healthcare system. That kind of thing is the military. When someone sits in their home eating Cocoa Puffs for lunch and says that “This is what you signed up for,” I am blown away. How thoughtless, how wrong. Yes, I signed up to care for sick people, but I didn’t sign up for a pandemic that has been complete chaos. And don’t even get me started on the mask wearing in public situation. You refuse? My God.

And then there are those that have helped. They check in to give me encouragement to get through the chaos. They make sure I have received masks. They have given to food banks to help feed those that have lost their incomes, they do little things such as deliver some flowers for the healthcare workers, or cookies, or just a sign of encouragement. They give a heartfelt thank you card, or bang the pots and pans in the evening shift change. They have given up in-person time with parents, children, and grandchildren to keep everyone safe. It’s the reason we are human: we want everyone to continue living.

I know of which I want to be, and I know that both exist in all of us to a degree. And for me it will be how these two behaviors weave into me to create someone different.

In the Time of COVID19

I sit on my 3^rd floor balcony in the spring sunshine where there’s a light breeze and the sound of birds talking. It all seems so normal, yet…

The acute care hospital where I work as an Echocardiographer has a wing dedicated to COVID19 patients. Some stay there throughout their hospitalization; some get transferred to the ICU; some get transferred back to the wing; some pass away.

This is a normal for healthcare workers now.

So I am just one of the plethora of healthcare workers who are experiencing this pandemic. I am, like you, without a way to fix, or control anything. The emotions, the feelings are incredible, aren’t they?

Let’s start with the unfortunate timing of re-opening the “economy.” As our hospital’s positives have climbed, we can manage so far. Only a handful of employees have contracted the virus. But, without testing strategies, without the proper PPE, without any plan, I feel doomed. The virus hasn’t yet defeated greed and chaos, but give it time…

And here is a snippet of what my days have become:

PPE:

I have been wearing the same hospital issued masked for two weeks now. I pointed this out to our “PPE Czar.” The term Czar originated as a Russian word for emperor, or ruler. Russia’s working class under the Czars was a place with shameful sanitary conditions-as in disease ridden filth; horrendous working hours-every day for at least 12 hours; and unrelenting risks for injury and death in the workplace. What a regrettable, yet appropriate title.

These past two weeks with my mask, I have been screening patients who come through the tent, some positives, I stand close to them while I take their temperature, and hand them a mask before sending them through. I then wear that mask while going from one patient to another in hospital rooms throughout my days. I wore it when I was inches away from a patient who decided to sneeze right into my face-“Oops.” Not sorry, just “Oops.”

The “PPE Czar” gave me a thumbs up. She was so thrilled, “keep using it…”